Monday, January 31, 2011

anxious

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus Phil 4: 4-7



I am often anxious. I get so frustrated at myself for how anxious I get about stuff. stupid stuff. little stuff. petty stuff.
for example: right now money is tight for me. This pay period is one where everything falls the same week. And the one before, my check was a good deal less due to some unpaid time off i had to take. The crazy thing is that i know that in 2 weeks, i won't even remember this. though today i have that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach that feels a little like bad Chinese food, though my thoughts keep going to "how am i going to make that work" or "where can i scrimp on that", though today i am trying not to be panicky... in 2 weeks I will be fine, looking back and seeing the outcome. Seeing that things weren't nearly as bad as i thought. Seeing that the Lord provided once again, in an amazing and dazzling, and sometimes simple way.
There are other things i get anxious about. Other things that rule my heart in the moment.
My other issue, is that I try to manipulate the situation to fix the outcome on my own. My friend Jessica called me out on that today. Instead of trusting the Lord, working at keeping my heart in check and hearing him and seeing him work, I think "i can fix this" and roll up my sleeves. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But why do i think that I can do better than he can? Why do i think that I can make things happen better, faster, more efficiently that the creator of the freakin' universe can? Who the crap am i???

The other day Noel Piper (John's wife) quoted her husband on twitter. She said "If I were as confident in God before he works as I am afterward, I'd have an anxiety free life"

RIGHT???
dang.

my friend Christopher once said "anxiety is mild atheism."
RIGHT?

Lastly, Matthew Henry speaks on that passage in Philippians:

There is a care of diligence which is our duty, and agrees with a wise forecast and due concern; but there is a care of fear and distrust, which is sin and folly, and only perplexes and distracts the mind. As a remedy against perplexing care, constant prayer is recommended. Not only stated times for prayer, but in every thing by prayer. We must join thanksgivings with prayers and supplications; not only seek supplies of good, but own the mercies we have received. God needs not to be told our wants or desires; he knows them better than we do; but he will have us show that we value the mercy, and feel our dependence on him. The peace of God, the comfortable sense of being reconciled to God, and having a part in his favour, and the hope of the heavenly blessedness, are a greater good than can be fully expressed. This peace will keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus; it will keep us from sinning under troubles, and from sinking under them; keep us calm and with inward satisfaction.

The Lord is good. All the time. I have nothing to fear. Even if it all goes bad today, I have eternity with my Savior to look forward to. My greatest need has been met. What do I have to be anxious about?

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