Tuesday, May 1, 2012

it's gonna be May

today is the first of may.

i've discovered Frank Fairfield this morning, and have been listening to him all day.
in fact, today at lunch i drove my friend dan to pick some food up, and we had Frank playing as we drove on this warm, but breezy day. the combination of driving through the middle of nowhere SC and Frank was pretty spot on.

today felt different when i woke up. last night i felt the Lord released me from something. not really something i had been asking to be released from (though i did give some "oh hey...yea...take this from me if it's your will" prayers, all the while, being prepared to dig my nails in it the second He reached for it.). But last night, as a whirlpool of random thoughts were going through my head, and i was kind of shooting them up to the Lord (thankfully, he can translate the jumbles that i think up). i back tracked a bit. i went through every step of this thing and how it got me to where i am today. nothing bad. just something i was a bit confused by. when i finally got to what felt like final piece to the mind jumble puzzle, when i had asked my last "why?"...i felt as if i was in a car that just hit the breaks and came to a dead stop. Boom. Done. Released.
I don't know why it took that process to get there. But i felt grace all over it. And i feel at peace about it.
I didn't really want to be released, so there is a bit of mourning that comes with it. but there is also freedom and joy. and it might just be a temporary removal. maybe just a season. but it is good

I've been quoting a line from one of my favorite hymns a lot these past few months... to myself, to others.
it says

Strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow

that is what i have right now. things seem to look a bit different now. i feel a bit lost (not in a bad way... but like when you are in a new city and it's taking a minute to get your bearings). but i'm excited. it might just be for a month before it comes back... for a few days. maybe tomorrow i will feel differently. but for today, i don't mind getting used to this feeling.

my roommate posted this verse this morning:
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;

my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
(Psalm 13:5-6 ESV)

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