Friday, November 25, 2011


that's a how i met your mother joke. they call it slapsgiving. you'd have to watch the show to get it.

a lot of people so "thankful" posts. i always think the idea is cheese, until i read them
so here is mine. now, you already know the 3 big ones: my salvation, my family, my friends.
so i am going to think of smaller ones that aren't normally shown the love they deserve.

ikea scented candles (the blue and green striped ones): these babies are only $4 and smell amazing. They last forever too. I don't have the money to throw down $18 for a candle at Anthropologie. These do the job JUST fine thank you

spotify: i am able to listen to any song at any time without having to listen to other "similar" songs to get to it. I quit you Pandora

bagels and cream cheese: this is probably one of my all time favorite things to eat. Starting my day off with a bagel means a good day

Mornings and Evenings: even when i am slacking at reading, i can pick it up at any point and feel so encouraged. And they are all so perfectly timed.

Social networking: i know it sounds lame, but it has helped me keep in touch with so many friends, and even make new ones. ANNNNNND the Toms giveaway i posted about? yea, people went NUTS. Knox and i thought maybe we'd raise a few hundred dollars at the end of the week. Well, as of last night we broke $4k. And there are still 4 more days. WHAT? amazing. Word has gone all over the place. We even got some random "celebs" to tweet about it (Jonathan Stewart of the Panthers, a few cast members of Bachelor and Bachelorette... i know... and Angie Harmon. If you don't know who she is, i pity you. When i saw she re-tweeted me, the Law and Order fan in me almost passed out). Social Networking is the biggest time sucker in my life, but it is also a blessing.

cigars: dude. I love cigars. everything about them. and sometimes after smoking one, i like the way it smells on my clothes the next morning. Last Christmas after i got home to my empty house and it started snowing, i sat on my back steps smoking a cigar with christmas music playing. it was amazing.

talented friends: i know that sounds weird, but i am friends with some incredibly creative people. It's awesome to see them be honored, acknowledged and celebrated. My friend Eric did the album art for John Mark McMillian, so the day his album came out, we saw Eric's work on itunes! it was crazy. My friends Jon, Jacob, Nathaniel, David and Blake have all done film work for different musicians and projects. I get to excited when I can see their stuff. My friend David's work is being sold now. I have found out that other friends of mine who don't know him are fans. So great!

babies: they are just awesome

friends that humor me: you know i like unicorns. at first it was a joke, then i remembered how as a kid i thought they were so rad... and i guess that never went away. So many of my friends send me pictures, tiny gifts or even songs about unicorns. Its a sweet way to know the are thinking of me. in fact, my friend Seth (back to talented friends) has a series of paintings called "plaid". I suggested forever ago that he make a "unicorn plaid"... and he did! For me! I have only seen pictures of it, but i cannot wait to bring it home from MD.

Mickey Connolly: CrossWay has gone through a tough season. Mickey, our senior pastor has led with  grace, humility and love for each and every one of us. I am so grateful to call him pastor, and friend.

Baby Jerrell: i know i said babies already, but Shaynah's baby is in a league of his own. i love him the best, even though he isn't here yet. His first present from me came in the mail today, and i am over the moon. I love this little peanut already so much

Monday, November 21, 2011


ok, so here is the big news:
as you all know, i have been asking you to follow the story of Daniel and Mindy Coleman and their baby Isaac.
Now that Isaac is home, the reality of the medical bills that are piling up is setting in. Along with the fact that this is not a temporary thing... Isaac is going to need more surgeries in the future. Ones that aren't cheap.
So my blogging friend Knox McCoy had an amazing idea!
He is having a giveaway on his blog to help raise money for the Colemans!!!!
go to his blog to get the details, as well as see my hijacking guest post on Mindy's blog
Even if you can't give, please help us spread the word: blogs, twitter, facebook... whatever you can do!

awesome news tomorrow

i really don't know how many readers there are here...
but tomorrow i will have an awesome announcement
so check back!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

whale watching

My childhood was spent in San Diego. Mom and I had season passes to Sea World. I like Sea World more than DisneyLand. It is that awesome. my favorite was the Shamu show. I just loved watching how powerful, but sweet these creatures were. I had a healthy fear of them, but all I wanted to do was pet him. When baby Shamu was born, we came every night and I would run to the same spot after the show and wait for her. She would swim by and I would watch this baby that was bigger than our car spin and play. I loved her. When we came back about 12 years later I ran to my same spot, seeing her now swim as an adult, the new star of the Shamu show. She was gorgeous.

When i was about 7, mom took me whale watching. She knew how much i loved whales and thought this would be an amazing treat. here is what I remember from the trip: inside the boat they had a little dance floor and I did some of my ballet moves and hit my head on the railing. Mom bought me hot chocolate. Then we stood out in the cold and I saw a whales tail. The end.
the trip was somewhat wasted on me. I had been inches away from killer whales dozen of times. Seeing one far away meant nothing to me. but the hot chocolate was good. and my head still hurt.

I hate that I didn't love and embrace what I was really seeing. If i went today, I would be in awe of the whales in their own home. Watching them swim, jump, seeing the spray as they came up for air.
I would LOVE to go back. I need to go as an adult, to fully soak in what was happening around me.

I think of how many times I take for granted what the Lord is doing in my life. I don't grasp the beauty of it. My childlike mind focuses on the silly, meaningless part... like the hot chocolate. Instead of really taking in what is happening around me. This season has been full of amazing wonders from the Lord. Mindy and Daniel might be able to bring Isaac home this week. Andrew and Carissa and finally bring their sweet girl home on Thursday. Many babies have been born this past month. But I am failing to grasp that. Instead I am having such a small view of God. I am looking at that hot chocolate, or focusing on the negative of the bumped head.
This week I am praying for a bigger view and grasp of the Lord moving.

Monday, November 14, 2011

stood up

fair reader(s), you might recall that I am a fan of the Twilight series. I read all the books in about a week, i've seen all of the movies.
This weekend the newerst movie in the Twilight Saga comes out. i have been a bit distracted with other goings-ofs-ons to really focus on it, but it's still on my radar.

anyway, this weekend i randomly had this dream:
i was at...somewhere, i don't even really know. But i bumped into Robert Pattinson (aka Edward Cullen). We got talking and i tried to play it cool and eventually he said "i'd love to keep talking to you, but i have to go take care of something... can we meet back at this coffee shop at lunch?" i said yes, and ran off to kill an hour or so, then thought "what is lunch time to him? 11? 12? 1?"
so i came back to said coffee shop at 10:30 and sat there till 3. He never showed.
Robert Pattinson stood me up. Worst vampire ever.
i had text one of my friends and told him about it (we had a conversation the day before about dreams) and he said "it just means that he isn't good enough for you. Good thing you found that out now". good thing.
So now i am too heartbroken to see the movie.
j/k. i'll still be there in my "team edward" shirt and my matching tatoo. j/k i don't have it...yet.

Friday, November 11, 2011

just a little rain. NBD

Wednesday night i was making the famous Pioneer Woman mac n cheese for a ladies dinner (early Thanksgiving... brilliant). I was home alone, cooking this somewhat labor intensive dish (never...stop...whisking...) so i decided i needed some good cooking music. After going through a couple of records (just side A) i decided to spend some time with my old friend, Les Mis.

are you familiar with the story of Les Mis? It's ok if you aren't. I mean, i am totally judging you, but go here and be educated. When I was about 15-16 I fell in love with the musical. I got the 10th anniversary concert cd for Christmas, with the original London cast (they are the best cast) and wore that thing out.

I had not listened in YEARS, so I was surprised that I still knew the words as I was whisking the egg slowly into the milk.
Then, not really paying attention, I realized I was crying. Not like the kind of crying where you feel it all over, but the kind where tears are coming from nowhere.
Why? Because "Little Fall of Rain" was playing. And Lea Salonga (Eponine) was KILLING it.
if you don't know the  song... watch this (keep in mind, this is from the concert... and this was done back when feathered hair was still cute.) BACKSTORY for those of you who refused to read the wiki link: Eponine is in love with Marius. He is oblivious and loves the sweet Cozette, but adore his ol' pal "Ponine" as he lovingly calls her. Eponine understands that she will never be with Marius. During a battle, she takes a bullet for him. At that moment, it clicks with him, and he gets that she was in love with him. This is the song they sing as she is dying... yes, DYING in his arms

I forgot how amazing it is. I forgot how heartbreaking it is when she doesn't sing the last word of the song.
the thing is... I'm not just being swept away in the theatrics of an amazing play. Every girl who has ever been single can relate to Eponine. It's true. Earlier in the show she sings "On my own", where she is walking through the streets of Paris delivering a message from Marius to Cozette (salt on the wound) and she sings about pretending he is with her. How at night, the streets are less lonely because it is the only time she can pretend they are together.
That is the anthem for every girl who has even suffered from unrequited love. (that and "I'm not that girl" from wicked... but her ending is much happier)

Anyway, the killer part of "Little Fall of Rain" is that Eponine is finally happy. She is in the arms of the man she loves. He is begging her not to die, singing sweet words to her. She brings up the metaphor of the rain, though it is gloomy, it will make the flowers grow.

Oh, also... there is a 25th anniversary edition... where the darling Nick Jonas... yes, of the Jonas Brothers, sings Marius' part. Presh.

So as I made this amazing cheesy carb filled dish, tears running down my face, flashing back to being 18 and convinced that I was in love with a boy who i would marry if only he loved me (girl... pleeze. PTL that didn't happen) I was grateful that I wasn't running through the streets of Paris in the 1830's, dodging bullets.
And that is the moral of the story. Don't invent a time machine and send me back to the Paris Uprising.
The end.

no, it made me grateful for where the Lord has brought my heart. I don't roll around sobbing on the floor like i did before when hearing these songs (j/k. i never did that. j/k i did.)

Eponine felt hopeless. I don't.
Eponine had nothing else to live for. I do.
Eponine had a lot of dirt on her face and a really gross raisin colored lipstick. I don't.

"Bless me with Abraham's faith that stagger not at promises through unbelief. May I not instruct thee in my troubles, but glorify thee in my trails; Grant me a distinct advance in the divine life; May I reach a higher platform, leave the mists of doubt and fear in the valley, and climb to hill-tops of eternal security in Christ by simply believing he cannot lie, or turn from his purpose. Give me the confidence I ought to have in him who is worthy to be praised and who is blessed for evermore." from Valley of Vision

(PS- the mac and cheese was gone so fast. so... you are welcome for the extra salty-ness from my tears ladies)

Monday, November 7, 2011

lost at work

i have been praying for wisdom about my job. it's a good job. i'm surprisingly good at it. i just really don't like what i am doing right now. i like working for this company, and with these people. i am waiting for my old boss here to call me back for a position that might be re-opening. he wants me back, which feels awesome. but currently, i have to sit tight and wait.
i want to do something that i at least enjoy a little. work is work. i am not expecting it to feel like disneyland.

today, while reading one of my favorite blogs, i saw this quote from another blogger, talking about emailing this to her friend who was in a similar predicament:

For those of you who hate your jobs but haven’t taken action yet…

Here is something I wrote to a friend in a similar situation recently (hopefully it strikes home with you too):

I know that the job thing has been bothering you for a while. I feel like in a way you are pregnant with the idea that you need to do something else, but the definition of what that is is still hazy enough to stay inside you. Once you find it deep in your soul nothing will stop you from giving birth to it – be it a business(es), new job, whatever. Right now you are just in that third trimester of uncomfortableness – but that’s a good thing! It makes the giving birth part a whole lot easier because you are so unhappy and “fat” with the possibility that there is something new around the corner. Give it time, eventually life, God, and your next step will come from within you so strongly that you’ll be in labor before you know it and never look back! You can’t stuff a baby back inside once it wants to come out.

so encouraging. really really. really.