Wednesday, June 12, 2013

unknown

oh hey.
I know, it's been ages
i haven't really felt like writing recently. It's been a crazy season. Not busy, but full. Full of fears, emotions, discouragements, joys, blessing, questions, frustrations...the list goes on

the short version is that my job ended mid-may. I knew it was a temporary position, but it still ended about 3 weeks earlier than expected. In the meantime, I had been applying for jobs left and right. Sending my resume to everyone I could. Even had a few interviews. But I kept hitting a wall.
Once the position was done, i was terrified. I had a couple of interviews lined up, but still. I was shaking in my boots. I didn't know what I was going to do. I wasn't making much anyway, so I wasn't able to save up for this time in case things took longer than expected.
But the Lord already knew. He provided in ways that cant be pointed back to me, other people or circumstances. Only he can get the glory for this.
Soon my weekends were full of pet sitting jobs. I had to time help Mindy with a contest/giveaway, and helped my friend Kati decorated her living room. I've been able to jump in and be a last minute babysitter, and all the time i wanted to watch the new season of Arrested Development, and longer times with the Lord. It's been unexpected.
On top of all that, my car decided to have 2 issues. One took 30 seconds to fix but the other is still a thorn in my side. That's another scary element. Not only am I unemployed, but my car is out of service. I saw that as a big slap in the face. Instead, now I realize it's the Lord's kindness to allow this to happen NOW instead of when I have to be at work. Now, when I can be at home, when I don't have places to be. And he's provided cars to borrow...including a friend's BMW. that was a pretty fun week.
Friends have paid for meals out so that I can tag along, blessed me in creative and sweet ways. I am really overwhelemd with how loved I am. The Lord has really blown me away in this.
I've had to pray like Peter often...that as the waves surround me, I don't give into fear. That I call upon the name of Jesus, knowing that he is there the whole time. He never fails. He won't start now.

On the job front, I'm waiting to hear back on one that I want pretty bad. Praying that this works out. It's  been a month. I'm ready to get back out there.
But more than that, I'm praying that my faith continues to grow in this. That I'm not fearful, looking at the circumstances. But in those moments of fear, I remind myself of what I know to be true.